Finding Inspirational Mentors and Like-Minded People on the Internet
A Short Story of the Infamous Sex Blogger Alvin Tan
I’m prefacing this post with a short story about a male sex blogger-turned-porn star named Alvin Tan. Unless you’re living in the Southeast Asian nations of Malaysia or Singapore, you’d probably never heard of Alvin.
So here’s the cliff-notes of this living legend I hugely respect.
Let’s start in the year 2012. Alvin, aged 24 at that time, was doing law school in Singapore on a prestigious scholarship. His first taste of fame came when he started a sex blog and put up amateur videos of him and his then-partner/fuck buddy. People in this prudish country were baying for his blood, and eventually the college expelled him (not that he gave two fucks).
Then in 2013, Alvin and his ex were arrested in lovely Malaysia for… wait for it… posting a photo of a pork dish on Facebook during the Muslim holy month. Political persecution and death threats ensued.
Now, here’s the genius move that only a highly intelligent guy like Alvin could pull off.
After convincing the judge to release their passports for them to fly to Singapore for a local TV documentary, Alvin fled. He flew from Singapore to Mexico, and then walked over to the United States port-of-entry to seek political asylum. (Vivian, the girl, didn’t jump bail and was sentenced to six months in prison in 2016.)
Fast forward to 2017.
After 3.5 months in US immigration detention and battling many obstacles thereafter (no valid ID, no bank account, no work permit etc.), Alvin is thriving.
He lives in Hollywood, California today. He’s a survivor. One helluva badass motherfucker.
And guess what? He’s living his dream life and doing his dream work — as a film director and performer. Or let’s just say, porn star. Not just any porn star, but an Asian male porn star in Hollywood. Tough as shit, but I know he’ll excel because he’s a fighter.
A full circle: from sex blogger/amateur porn star to professional porn star. A sensational story — from a fugitive who pulled off one of the greatest escapes since Houdini to living the life of his dreams.
Hold on… what’s the REAL point of this story?
I’m glad you asked.
Although I’ve never met Alvin in real life (despite us being physically in the same island-city at some point in our lives), he would be the person I name if you asked me “Who changed your life?”
You see, somewhere in December 2013, I spontaneously reached out to Alvin via email.
He was capitalizing on his fame with a YouTube channel and dishing out an abundant of self-improvement advice on Facebook (I really miss his long notes about sex, relationships, money, career, religion, success, achieving goals, and life… but anti-free speech Loser Zuck shut down his account for religion-related posting violations).
I was an idiot like most mainstream guys then, and I asked him a simple/stupid question along the lines of “how to persuade a girl to be FWB with me”.
If you know any better: You don’t try to persuade anyone. Life’s a major Numbers Game.
I got an unexpectedly long and detailed reply. A gesture I’d never forget. After all, he didn’t know me personally.
I still remember much of the content — tremendous advice by the way — but the thing that stood out was something along these lines (it’s a great pity I lost the email):
“Forget everything else. Only read this.
www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com www.GoodLookingLoser.com”
I’m not even kidding. Copied and pasted many times in the email was a link to this creepy looking website. Alvin had bold the URL in fucking enormous font.
To be honest, my first reaction (before clicking the link) was of skepticism. I thought he was playing his witty sarcasm or something. Sorry Chris, but it’s the name “Good Looking Loser” that threw me off. WHO IN THE BLUE HELL CALLS HIMSELF A LOSER? A GOOD. LOOKING. LOSER?!
Never judge a book by its cover, or a website by its name. Chris is one of the greatest — if not THE greatest — self-improvement bloggers that every man should follow.
Following Alvin and his writings on social media opened my eyes and shaped my worldview on various issues till this day. But the ONE most significant thing he did for me was introducing me to the best website resource and network I’d ever need.
The whole point of this blog post is really to convince you to make use of the internet to seek out inspirational mentors and like-minded people. You never know what (or who) you will find.
1. People today are increasingly living most of their lives on the internet. Naturally it shouldn’t surprise you that you’re more likely to find someone online who could literally change your life. He/She could just be one click away.
2. Take the initiative to reach out (don’t be afraid to ask). Most people won’t give two shits about you. But life is nothing but a Numbers Game. It’s perfectly normal if you hit up 20 people and none of them replies. People are busy like that these days. But hit up 50 of them, and maybe that ONE life-changing moment might surface to you.
Why am I specifically talking about online interactions? Don’t people talk to each other in real life anymore?
If you haven’t, take a moment to read this piece about The Curse of Being Highly Intelligent.
Think about the people around you that you meet personally on a day-to-day basis. How many of them are at a level in life where you can look up to them and say “he is someone I want to emulate” or “she is someone I want to be in 5 years’ time”?
Maybe one or two if you have the fortune of being around highly successful circles. Most probably if you hang out with “normal” people at school or at your day job, the answer is BIG SAD ZERO.
But you can go online and literally find inspiring mentors who are living the life you aspire to lead.
- Want tons of non-mainstream, hardcore self-improvement lifestyle advice, including how to get laid with tons of beautiful women? Study Chris Deoudes (Good Looking Loser). BTW: Chris also has an incredible forum that allows you to network with a bunch of high quality men who are actually serious about their life goals.
- Want to learn how to build a brand around yourself as an online business? Study Mike Cernovich (Danger and Play) or Victor Pride (Bold and Determined).
- Want to learn how to do away with Traditional Monogamous Marriage and have non-monogamous relationships instead? Study Caleb Jones (Blackdragon).
- Want to learn better charisma and be more charismatic? Study Charlie Houpert (Charisma on Command).
- Want an amazing physique without getting confused by tons of conflicting mainstream garbage fitness advice? Study Greg O’Gallagher (Kinobody).
Everything, all the information you need to live the life you want is completely and absolutely FREE-OF-CHARGE.
The above examples are related to my personal areas of interest. They may not apply to you.
Some people listen to the Joe Rogan podcast to learn about bio-hacking.
Others use online forums to connect with other individuals who suffer from the same rare medical conditions as them. Just to cope a little better and have a higher quality of life.
But no matter how “niche” you think your areas of interest/expertise are, trust me there are tons of people out there who share your weird kinks. The power of the internet to transcend geographical boundaries should not be underestimated.
As an example – my previous article on the topic of procreation/having kids was my most controversial piece to date. I expected lots of people to hate it. Guess what? It resonated with many others too (just read the comments section).
The 2 Ways to use Social Media/the Internet
ONE – To waste time looking at cat pictures.
TWO – To use it for connections. Anyone can leverage on social media to absorb the 3Is for free:
Look at this tweet (click to expand image):
All the accounts mentioned in the screenshot above belong to high quality people. I personally think he should have included billionaire motivator Gary Vee – he provides tons of great insights and mindset tips for aspiring entrepreneurs and hustlers.
The point is: To use the internet as a means of seeking out great people who can ADD VALUE to YOUR LIFE.
The chances of meeting these high quality individuals in real life is close to 0.001%.
If you only spend time with regular/average people, you only get regular/average advice.
Unfortunately most of the people you come across in real life will be Regular Joe, Average Anne, or Unquestioning Dave. But thank god for the internet, you can benefit from the wisdom of great people even if you live on the opposite side of the planet from them.
Besides using these great people as mentors, an equally valuable opportunity is to meet like-minded individuals through these great people (think of them as “platforms”).
Meeting other like-minded people (even virtually) reassures you that you’re not alone.
Especially in your deepest and darkest moments of doubt, you can look at people on the same journey as you and say, “It will be okay, I will turn out just fine.”
What to do now
Pick two or three of the most relevant online personalities as mentors. Be careful not to overdo this.
Only follow those you can relate to, and those who bring value to whatever you are doing *at the moment*.
You don’t want to fall into the trap of over-consuming instead of taking action. MAJOR CAVEAT! BEWARE!
Now, take all the gems of information, insights, and inspiration. Then get out there and kick ass by DOING WHATEVER THE SHIT YOU WANT.
Help others first (offer them something).
There are tons of leeches around online communities. You know, those people who just want to benefit from others without giving away anything in return.
Personally, online communities have been helpful for me. First, in launching Lupine Accessories – the best place on Planet Earth to get fashion jewelry – and then when I wrote my great Soccer Betting book.
What did I do?
I sent out free samples of my accessories to a couple of guys (who really love them BTW). I knew I wanted to target the international market for my products, so getting reviews from people in different parts of the world was important to me. Even if it cost a little more in international shipping.
Social proof is crucial for most businesses, that’s why new businesses give out free samples to so-called “influencers”.
More than that, you need to find the right people who would gladly receive your stuff because your stuff is something they would have wanted (and happily paid for) anyway. Product fit! Remember: it’s all about searching for LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE!
Help others be more than happy to help you out.
I did the same with my incredible eBook — giving it away for free to people in various online communities, and then soliciting their reviews.
Word of caution: You only want to use these platforms for self-promotion SPARINGLY. Don’t come across as an annoying door-to-door salesman or sketchy internet marketer.
That said, if you have something good (even if it’s just a blog where you share wonderful insights) then it’s your DUTY to spread the good word! Don’t be shy, people will appreciate it. You may start by linking to your own blog when you leave a comment below.
Anyway, my next book will be on a totally different subject: It’s a collection of short erotica stories I wrote (think Fifty Shades… but better). So ladies (and gentlemen), hit me up if you wanna be in the review queue! (UPDATE: My erotica book, Primeval Hysteria, is here. Free sample available.)
I’ll see you in the next post.